i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
