I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
