I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
