Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you traded sex for a burrito?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
