its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
