i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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