"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
