worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who died my cat blue again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
