Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
