drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
