ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
