So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
