I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
