I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
