Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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