I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
