Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
