areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
