hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how does that bad decision feel?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
