I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
