hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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