i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
