he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
