There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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