I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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