Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
