First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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