I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
