I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
