Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
