i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This house was built for laser tag.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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