i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
