Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
