he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we're so committed to being not committed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
