I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
