i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
