when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
