Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
