Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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