I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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