I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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