I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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