i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
