You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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