You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
