First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He did a backflip because drugs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
