I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
