what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
