Porn is love you can see.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
