Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
