oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
