We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
