my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
