Your face is a jimmy john
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
