Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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