Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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