So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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