Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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