i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
