I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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