The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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