I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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