I cannot find my penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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