I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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