i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
