Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
