I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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