their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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