So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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