Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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