The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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