apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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