so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
