I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
