I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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