If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
