They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
